Well Done, Thou Good and Faithful Servant

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been a few weeks since you have received a letter from Elder Sork.  It is important we share with you why that is.  While his recent letters have sounded more positive, Elder Sork has been quietly dealing with a debilitating medical condition. Out of concern for his family, church members, and friends serving in the mission field he only wrote about the positive experiences while he tried to work through his illness with mission doctors and the mission president. 

We received word this morning that our son would be returning home from his mission today or tomorrow.  He is being honorably released as having served a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His return is sooner than originally planned. When he left he was worthy, willing, and able to serve a full 2-year mission. He is still worthy and so very wiling, but unfortunately, due to health issues, he is no longer able to serve out the remainder of his 2-year call to Brazil. Elder Sork has been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression that has not been able to be adequately treated in Brazil.  For those of you unfamiliar with this disease, I liken it to someone who has diabetes and needs insulin.   With continued anxiety and depression the body’s ability to produce the required serotonin levels for proper physical and mental functioning is depleted.   Elder Sork is coming home to find the proper care and treatment for this disease so he can continue to serve the Lord in other capacities throughout his life. 

Elder Sork returning home is an answer to the fasting and prayers of Eric and I.  Yesterday we had a special fast for Elder Sork, knowing he was meeting with his mission president.  Our desire was that President Dias and Elder Sork would be able to counsel together, and under the direction of the spirit, know how to handle the struggles Elder Sork has been facing since entering the mission field in August.  After speaking with President Dias this morning, I know our prayers have been answered. 

Now, as we write to you we are facing another fear – how will he be received home by those he loves and looks up to?  It would be easier if this struggle were more medically noticeable. Instead, he is fighting chemically induced depression and anxiety.  Something no one can see and few understand.  He struggled with this throughout his high school years; we just did not understand how severe it was.  The stresses of the mission field just exacerbated the condition to the point his safety had to be considered.  Our fear is that because he comes home with no physical indicators of his struggle, his release from service will be questioned by those he is returning to. 

I would like to refer you to Elder Holland’s talk “Like a Broken Vessel” in the October 2013 conference where he specifically addresses people who struggle with anxiety and depression and those that care for them.  In this talk he speaks “of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking!” 

We cannot imagine what must be going through Elder Sork’s mind while he is on the plane today.  Maybe it is something like this:  mourning the months of his mission he would not get to serve with the people of Brazil he has come to love so much, weeping at the thought of the people he feels he is letting down, and trying to understand how God’s plan for him included coming home early. We do not know why God did not heal him so that he could stay and serve. However, we DO KNOW that God is mindful, aware and loving! He loves our son and He has a plan for him.

We all have a different path to walk as we try to become the person the Lord knows we can be.  Each experience is just for us, for our learning and growth.  Many may judge Elder Sork and think that he should have fought harder. Many might tell him he should have had more faith, prayed more, worked harder, understood the atonement better, etc. Please refrain.  God and his mission president know that our son has given his all. He did all that he could. He prayed fervently, he fasted often, he worked with everything he has, he studied endlessly. He NEVER quit. He NEVER gave up. The mixed emotions he must have felt when President Diaz told him that he felt it was time for him to return home and get the help he desperately needs, we cannot fathom.  

It takes a lot of faith to follow the call of a prophet to leave family, friends, and your life behind to serve. It takes faith to get up every day to teach the gospel when your mind and body refuse to corporate, but you do it anyway because you are obedient.  It takes great faith to do everything the mission president and doctors ask you to do to receive the gift of health, but to have those efforts fail.  It takes faith to listen when the Lord says, “Well done thou good and faithful servant! It is enough!” It takes even more faith to leave earlier than you want to, knowing how hard it can be in our church to deal with everything and everyone that is waiting for you upon return.

Thankfully, our son does not need intensive physical treatments, but what he needs medically is just as important to him living and being healthy as chemo is for those who suffer from cancer. If you know him, if you see him, PLEASE, ask him what he loved about his mission. PLEASE, ask him to share his experiences and speak in the language that he was able to conquer! PLEASE, love him and give him a hug. PLEASE tell him how proud you are of him! He needs our support, unconditional love, and for everybody to rally around him and help him carry his burdens.  Help him remember, he is a Son of God, who loves him and is proud of him. He served an honorable mission!  We can’t wait to welcome him home and to help him find joy in his service and hope for his future. 

Sincerely,

Eric and Keri

Goose Egg on the Noggin and Cement on the Shoes

Hey Mom,

I am super bummed to hear about Cathy and Steve’s package. I was really looking forward to getting it :/ I have no idea why it would have been ´´rejected´´. It was definitely not anything that I did and I didn’t hear anything about the mission home rejecting a package. Let Cathy know I a m really bummed but super greatful for the effort. Maybe next time :(  I know that your package arrived this week; I will pick it up this afternoon.

Not a ton happened this week. In comparison to other Elders I have had in the misison, Elder Antunes has been really good in continuing to work in his last transfer, but he is starting to slow down. We didn’t do a whole lot of work this week. One day we did a division and he went to another area, I was left with Elder Stratton and a newer Brazilian missionary so I was the senior. That meant I lead discussions and planned the day and things. It was good to see my progress. I am not fluent but am really feeling better about my language skills. It still sucks sometimes when people make fun of how I talk or have problems because of my accent, but for the most part I get by just fine and I am able to teach with the spirit and say what I want to say. I don’t have big problems understanding people anymore. I can understand just about everything I need to. So that’s good.

One funny thing that happened this week is that we were walking to an appointment when it was getting dark and I wasn’t paying attention. I walked STRAIT through a huge thing of wet cement. My shoes got destroyed. I did my best to clean them but they have an eternal grey hew now... and a lot of the people in the street saw and were all laughing at me. It was super embarrassing!  Also, while I was exercising this week, my bar broke and I fell back and hit my head really hard on the wall. I don’t think I have a concussion… I didn’t black out and don’t have any other symptoms of one, but I have got the mother of all goose eggs on my noggin now.

I think I am also getting sick.  I have a sore throat, headaches, and runny nose. I’m not excited as I think this sickness is just beginning :(

A cool thing is that I have been receiving emails from our baptism in our last area, Cinthia. I don’t know if you remember much about her, but she was definitely someone prepared by the Lord to receive our message, and I have full faith that she will stay firm. She emailed me this week saying that she has over 40 family names she will be taking to the temple to do baptisms.  She is also talking to a man who lives in the neighboring state about MARRIAGE IN THE TEMPLE!! It’s crazy to see the changes in her life and I am really happy to see the effect I have had in being able to help someone.

Love you mom, hope you have a good week,

Elder Sork

Another Emergency Transfer

Hey Mom,

This week we had another emergency transfer.  Now I am in a  trio.  Elder Stratton from Utah is with us. He is pretty new in the mission, only has 4 months.  It is interesting to see how even though I am lacking in a  lot, I definitely have progressed. Even though Elder Stratton is new I have a LOT to learn from him. Where he lacks in technical experience, he makes up for in his awesome attitude, excitement to work, his ability to make friends, and many other good qualities. He´s a really cool guy. I like him a lot.

With the arrival of another companion, Elder Antunes has curiously  been more motivated to work, which is cool. I have been loaning him money (If you saw some purchases made on my card, it was for him haha) but I really need to be careful because he is really racking up the debt. I am just glad we are back to working. He said a few weeks ago he would give me responsibilities but in the end it didn’t really happen, I’m still just a junior companion.  I am not complaining.

We had a baptism this week. I have found that lots of the rapazes pesquisadores (young men investigators) like me.  They always ask me to baptize them and they like to talk to me because I am American. So that’s cool to feel appreciated even if I can’t speak super fluently. This baptism this week was of Mattues.  He is 13 years old and has cousins in the church. It’s sad because his mom and dad both have drinking problems and a couple nights we passed by the house of him and saw the problems drinking creates. The family is getting torn apart. I am really grateful for the guidance of modern day revelation, specifically the word of wisdom, and the happiness it brings me and our family.

I will print off the conference talks. It does cost extra money so I think one per week is plenty. Feel free to send them in letters, too. I am still waiting on the packages. I am super excited to get them, haha… I really hope they show up.

I love you, mom!  Elder Sork.

Easter in Brazil

Hey Mom, it’s good to see pictures of the family! I really missed out on the Easter festivities and conference cinnamon rolls :( They don’t really have Easter like we do back at the states. Instead of decorating eggs they have a culture of selling chocolate eggs during Easter, BIG chocolate eggs that are super expensive. I didn’t buy an egg but I bought me and my companion boxes of chocolate to enjoy.  Here’s what happened this week (not much):

In our ward they had a talent show. I took some videos and things but for some reason they didn’t work right so I just have a photo of one of the acts. I didn’t perform; I don’t feel super comfortable in this ward and also don’t have a violin or a good piano nearby so I don’t have much talent to show. But it was fun to see the Brazilians doing things! I like how everything here is so laid back. In the US, a ward talent show is a little more serious.  People stress about performing and doing acts that are really amazing or special, but here it was just a night to goof off, really. I like how relaxed (usually) the people are and how easy it is for them to enjoy their time. I want to learn how to do this because I am always so uptight, stressed, unhappy and negative.  As of now, I have not found how to effectively apply the Brazilian way of life into my mission :(

I have mentioned how here in Brazil things are a lot more laid back, and that finds its way into the church as well. Meetings are a lot less reverent, people are a lot more ´´flaky´´ with commitments and lots of members go active and inactive in matters of weeks. It’s sad. There are members who are VERY strong and active though. They teach the same things and have the same organization, but the church definitely has a different feel here in Brazil.

I was really excited about a prospect baptism of a mom and her daughter, Maria and Daisy, but Maria, the mom, even though she says she already received an answer that our messages are true and she needs to be baptized, says she doesn’t feel she can leave work to do it.  She has a contract which has her working every other Sunday until the end of the year and that she won’t be baptized until this contract ends. What a bummer. We may baptize her daughter still, and then her daughter can be an example and help her mom see the importance of baptism and continued learning and growing in the gospel.

To answer your question, how we work with the ward really depends on the companion. With this companion, we do all our work with eh YM / YM.  They are really good about introducing us to friends. Unfortunately, because the culture of the mission has been to ´´just baptize,´´ lots of members and bishops have lost trust in the missionaries. Our current bishop is one of them. So really, not much happens with the ward leadership in helping the missionaries. It’s pretty sad to see. On the other hand, when I was with Elder Kozlowski it was better. We marked days every week to leave with members of the quorum to do visits and teach lessons. I don’t like this a lot because I feel like it’s just another set of eyes/ears seeing my weakness and judging me. I feel more inadequate when we have a member with us. But I know it’s the most important way for the investigator so as I grow and one day become senior (maybe, we´ll see - I don’t like thinking about more responsibilities and expectations haha) I hope to incorporate the members of the ward in missionary work much more.

Fun Fact: they have LOTS of motorcycles in Brazil. This week I asked my companion why the motorcycles have radio antennas (lots of motorcycles have a metal pole thing in the front of the bike). It doesn’t make sense because you can hear a radio on a motorcycle! This is what he told me:  maybe I already talked about kites, I can’t remember, but here in Brazil it’s like the book The Kite Runner.  Kids make their kites and then make a mixture of glass and glue to cover the line of the kite then they battle each other.  They fly their kites with friends and the friction of the line and the coating of glass cuts the line of other kites. Last kite in the air wins.  Apparently, sometimes when a poor guy on a motorcycle is driving down the highway, these innocent strings used by kids (coated with glass, remember) pass across the road and catch the motorist in the neck and LITERALLY DECAPITATE THEM. Not always the whole head, but lots of people die from this. I didn’t believe my companion at first, it seemed so wild (haha) but it’s true! The motorcycles have these metal poles in front designed to catch the string before it slices your throat. Just a fun fact of Brazil :)

Now about conference! I found myself laughing when Elder Oaks called the names of new members of the seventy.  With so many tough names, I had flashbacks of graduation when I had to read off the hard names of my fellow classmates -haha. We had a few investigators that came to church to watch, but they were all teenagers and it was tough for them to really get into it... none of them really liked it much. That was disappointing, but the young men/women in the ward are awesome and they make friends easily so I think they will return to church for a normal meeting this next week and hopefully down the line accept baptism! I am sure you were wondering how it was with the language... it’s just as you described. I understood more than I had expected, but less then I liked. It was like this: If I REALLY concentrated, listened intently, and blocked out all distractions and other thoughts, I could understand almost 100% of the words in each talk! It is a lot easier to understand things of the gospel because I study this style of speaking and I also teach in the same way. (Let it be known that when I am in a group of teenagers, I understand NOTHING. I swear they are speaking another language.) I really had to focus just to understand the words, and it was easy to get sidetracked. But it was cool to see how much I could understand without distractions. BUT, here is the sad part, I had no time to reflect or think about the messages and write down promptings and thoughts that I received because the SECOND I broke that focus, I instantly got lost. I have basically no notes from conference even though I was listening so intently and understood the words.  What I retained and also fully understood of the truths behind the words was super weak. The conference was not the spiritual experience I had been hoping for. I fasted both days to try and feel the spirit but really didn’t. The spirit definitely speaks to me through English, not Portuguese. If you attach the talk that you mentioned, I can print it off. I would also ask that in the next package you send the English Ensign of conference talks so that in the next few months I can really study the words that were said and feel the spirit (in English). I did understand the changes that were made (just not the details on how they will work). It is very interesting. Also super exciting about the new temples announced! I think a temple will be announced in my mission in the next few conferences, we had goals of baptizing quorums (priesthood holders) to help a few stakes divide, and to create new stakes because they need a certain number of stakes in the area to warrant a temple.  We are really close. It will be really cool when they finally have a temple, cool also to know that my teaching the gospel and helping people be baptized is also going to help everyone in this area continue to progress in their covenants by getting a temple close. Someday I hope to return here with my family when they have a temple!  I really miss the temple and the peace I always felt there. Visiting the temple is one of the first things (if not THE first thing) I would like to do when I get back.

I am really missing the family.  It is crazy how much this mission experience has brought to my attention the importance love and family has in my life. It grows each week I am away from you guys. And I get so excited just to read your emails and hear about your lives, to know you guys are okay, are happy, healthy, and all the little details. Never feel like you can´t write to me because I don’t have time to respond. I never have a problem reading all the emails I receive. As of late I have been receiving less, so it’s even easier to respond.

 I haven’t received any package from you or Cathy yet, I think I will get them the end of the transfer (the end of April), fingers crossed. I love you mom, have a good week.

Elder Sork

Faith Is Blind

Hey mom,

As you know my new companion is Elder Antunes. This is his last transfer so he isn’t super motivated to work. We spend a lot of time ´´chilling´´ so I have had a lot of time to exercise and to study. My pants are fitting a little bit better.  I am trying to stay healthy. I don’t know if Elder Antunes hates me or likes me. He´s really hot and cold and really, really impatient with my language struggles.  When I have to ask him to repeat things a few times he gets really grumpy. He is also impatient with investigators. There are still things I am learning from him.  He’s giving me more responsibility because he doesn’t want to do much. Another thing that’s been tough with Antunes is he really likes to listen to music, American music. I already asked him to stop.  There is no way he will stop so after that, I at the least asked him to use headphones so I don’t have to listen to it, but he only uses headphones half the time. I have found that music is the FASTEST way to make me homesick. It made this week really tough. The music brought back lots of memories and longings for home. Today I am hoping to spend a little extra time on the computer to download a bunch of church music and piano guys music that I hope to use to drowned out the music my companion listens to. Hopefully I can leave this transfer a better missionary. Antunes has a goal to baptize every week during his last transfer. We had a baptism this last week and have another marked for conference weekend.

I am excited for conference but also nervous because it’s all going to be in Portuguese.  I won’t have it in English like in the CTM. I know I am gonna miss a lot of the messages. General Conference was a super spiritual experience in the CTM, but I am worried I am not gonna get much out of it because I won’t understand so much. We´ll see.

This week the power company or something in the government was under investigation and power to the entire state of Paraíba was off for about 10 hours. We had a lesson with an investigator (Maria Nilta and her 2 daughters) that night. We taught the restoration by candlelight. Elder Antunes was really impatient with them because they haven’t accepted baptism yet, and he didn’t want to teach the lesson so I taught the whole restoration. I gave him time to talk but he wouldn’t say anything and during the lesson he was huffing and puffing and sighing, totally distracting from the message. I got really frustrated. In the end the spirit was there and he shared his testimony. It was a powerful experience. I hope to baptize this family during this transfer.

I had another funny language experience. One night this week we ordered pizza to be delivered.  While we were waiting for the delivery Antunes went to take a shower. While he was in the shower, the pizza guy called to confirm the address.  It was a disaster because I couldn’t understand what he was saying and I don’t know our address or how to describe where we live in the area, so I just ran out into the street (almost forgot to put on a shirt) and yelled a lot as the pizza guy was passing by. I think for people watching it was pretty funny. The pizza was great so it was worth it.

I am trying to get a video that a recent convert took of me on his phone, but they have problems sending videos here. I don’t know if the cellphone companies don’t support it or what, but hopefully this next week I will have it. The uncle of this young man trains dogs, and so we put on an arm brace thing and the uncle loosed a German shepherd that ´´attacked´´ us (is trained to bite on the arm brace). It was really cool.

That was my week this week. I heard about Chad, man I thought I had it tough! He is a trooper. I will keep him in my prayers.

I have been thinking a lot about the atonement and Jesus Christ. With the extra study time I have, I have started reading Jesus the Christ again. I am trying to understand better the Savior as a person and someone I can really learn to relate to and love. I know that my faith needs to be based on Him. This last week I did personal study on faith as an attribute of Christ and it was edifying. I didn’t have a very good understanding of faith. I was thinking that because I hadn’t felt the spirit really strong or had big spiritual experiences, I didn’t have faith. But now I know that when we feel the spirit or have spiritual experiences, this is when faith turns into knowledge. Faith really is BLIND. It’s the actions we take, the things we do, WITHOUT a strong confirmation of the spirit or spiritual experiences. Its acting, with hope and confidence, that through our actions we WILL receive the influence of the spirit and have those spiritual experiences (when that faith, becomes a knowledge). I know that faith in Jesus Christ is very important so I am working to improve my ´´why´´ (the reasons I act and do the things I do) so I can have confidence and hope.  I hope that through my actions I will receive those spiritual experiences and gain a knowledge of Jesus as my Savior, that my mission is exactly where I need to be, etc.

Love you guys,

Elder Sork

More Responsibilities

Hey Mom, 

Transfers were today. I am staying with Elder Antunes. This is his last transfer and then he goes home. He´s pretty tired and really getting ´´trunky´´ so I don't know what is really gonna happen this transfer. He´s getting really grumpy too. I have a feeling that both my patience and his will be tested. Elder Antunes is a cool guy but our personalities don't match up. 

This week we had interviews with the President and a division (missionary split). My companion needed to do an interview in another area so I needed to stay and work our area with another companion. I was SO nervous.  I've only been here for a week and Elder Antunes left me in the area with a day full of commitments and lessons. I barely know how to arrive at our house let alone to find the houses of our investigators. I had to find the houses, lead the discussions, etc. I was praying so hard in my heart as we walked to the other area to start the division. I can't describe to you how scared I was, but it turned out okay. The lessons were not great, but I got us to the house and led them so that's a win. The only problem I had was at the end of the day. I had no idea how to get back to the house. We wandered for about an hour and eventually called to get directions to the church. 

Elder Antunes says that he doesn't want to do a lot during the last transfer, so I will have ´´responsibilities.´´ The first responsibility that he gave me was the baptismal fichas.  Those are the baptismal forms. I am to fill them out, keep them safe and then send them to the mission office. That  next night I forgot my bag with my scriptures and the fichas in a restaurant and lost our fichas. So I failed my first responsibility, woohoo! The second responsibility Elder Antunes has given me is the cell phone. I am to make and receive all the calls. The cell phone is my first enemy. Portuguese and Portuguese on a cellphone, are two different languages. The first day I had the phone I called to confirm to our investigators that we were passing by their house at 3:45 with a ride to the church. We showed up at their house and they were surprised to see us because they thought we were passing by at 6:45... second responsibility, failed!! That has kinda been the theme of my week. I am hoping that this transfer things can get better. President Dias just said in my interview with him this week to keep going, that with time things will get better - the same thing he told me the last time. ´´Time´´. I just feel like I need an ETERNITY - not to be perfect,but just to figure out how to be a missionary! 

This week I learned how to make pancakes from scratch with a Brazilian and shared some maple with them, they really liked it. I will finish the Book of Mormon in Portuguese tonight for the first time. I have never received a big answer that the book is true, but it is a source of comfort to me when I read when I am stressed or overwhelmed I find peace. I really hope that I am not ´´missing´´ answers, because I REALLY want them and am really hoping for them. 

I love you, Mom. I hope Grandma gets better quick.  Give her some love for me.

Elder Sork

Mission Upheaval Part II

Hey Mom,

We had a baptism this week but I didn’t have my camera with me. iIt was kind of a freebee for me because this is my new area and I didn’t really do a lot of the work. I just showed up, but the investigator wanted me to baptize him so that was cool. His name is Emmanuel and he is 16 years old. This new ward has a great youth program and the youth have really good retention with our new members.  This is rare in this mission.

After all the transfers last week, we had a zone conference where President Dias spoke about several changes that needed to happen in the mission. I got transferred because 10 missionaries got sent home early.  Many companionships and missionaries had to get moved around to make sure everything was covered. I think our president is finally realizing just how messed up the mission is.  He did some ´´spring cleaning´´ and 10 missionaries were doing things so bad they got sent home, lots of other missionaries are on probation and have warnings that they could be sent home. They are really cracking down on mission rules and also how we handle our investigators. Now people need to attend sacrament meeting 3 times before they are to be baptized, along with lots of other new rules. We´ll see if things change. President Dias is really serious. Normally he is a ´´softy´´ but I think we have some general authority and area authority attention on this mission now so he’s really cracking down.

My new companion is Elder Antunes, we were a trio but our other companion (Elder Cipili, a Brazilian living in Utah) went home last week after the first wave of missionaries left. Elder Antunes has one transfer left, and then he goes home. So he is at the end of his mission and he’s pretty tired.  He sleeps a lot and I read a lot - I think I will finish the Book of Mormon this week in Portuguese. With Elder Antunes we don’t work anything like I did with Kozlowski.  Part of that is cultural and part of it personal, I think.  Antunes likes to work with member’s references and Kozlowski really didn’t know how to do that, and you know that I had no clue. So I am learning how to work references with Elder Antunes. That will be good. I like it a lot better than knocking on doors in the heat every day, and he has been getting baptisms so I think it works. We´ll see.

I have been struggling with getting good sleep, still. Sister Dias (wife of the president) gave me some natural herbs that were to help after the zone conference. I have tried them the past few nights but I still wake up 3 or 4 times every single night.  I’m not sure why.

A real quick, a thought for the blog:  I was reading in Ether 9: 2/3 about the brother of Jared when he prayed for help to bring light to the ships. The lord didn’t solve the problem for him, but encouraged the brother of Jared to use his agency, knowledge, and the capacity he had been given by God to do what he could to solve the problem for himself.  In that light, the brother of Jared went and got the stones and made a plan which he presented to God.  He asked God simply to touch the stones so they could give off light. The Lord helped him and fulfilled the plan the brother of Jared had put forth.  “Thus we see” that when we pray for help we have a responsibility to look for ways WE can solve our own problems with our own ability, and then the Lord will help us with the rest.

Love you,

Elder Sork

Mission Upheaval

Hey Mom,

This week was rough and yesterday it got even rougher. The work was going slow; Elder Kozlowski and I have both felt some lack of personal growth and direction from the spirit. Then yesterday night, about 8:00 we were singing in the stake choir and Elder K received a phone call that we were both going to be transferred.  We needed to be at the mission office this morning at 9AM. Lots of changes are happening in the mission. I don’t really know what but I think a lot of people got sent home. This mission is really messed up so we got emergency transferred. I am in a trio in the same stake but Elder K went to someplace I have never heard of.  My new area is called José Americo (something like that, I’m still learning). Last night we were up until 2AM, cleaning our whole house, packing our bags and frantically trying to pass off our investigators and update the area book. It was a rough.  Now I am sleep deprived and with two Brazilian companions  Elder Cipili and Atunes. 

Cinthia who was baptized is preparing to go to the temple already so that’s really cool.  I am sad we had to leave all our investigators.  We had a baptism lined up this week and don’t know what’s gonna happen because we left so fast.

My Portuguese is still so terrible. I just sit and listen and don’t understand anything in conversations. I am always just in the background. This week for fast Sunday I fasted to strengthen my confidence in the Lord, because I feel like a fear-filled missionary. I am scared of failure, scared to talk to people, scared to set goals because I don’t feel I can achieve them. Thank you for your thoughts on overcoming fear and improving my prayer. I studied a little about these things this week.

Please let McKenna know I am proud of her.

Love you.

Elder Sork 

Invasion of the Cockroach!

Hey Mom,

How I´m doing? I am getting really comfortable in this area: with the members of the ward, with this companion, with the responsibilities I have as a junior companion that no one expects too much of yet.  I am dreading the change that is sure to come, the ´´stretching´´ that you talked about. I know it is imminent. In just a few weeks are transfers.  I may be with a new companion, maybe have more responsibilities as a missionary, there will be more experiences where I will see how my weaknesses in the language or personal preparation make the missionary work tough. So, as always, I am looking forward and feeling anxious for what is coming. Right now, in the moment, I am doing okay. This week I had some interesting experiences!

Our investigators this week:  We found a rapaze who is 15 yrs old.  Actually his mom found us because we are American. Sometimes on P Days we play basketball on the court the church has. This kid’s name is Ricardo and he really likes basketball.  He trains a lot, but his mom wants him to have more time playing so today (P Day) we are gonna play basketball for an hour or two at the church with him. Basketball was a great way to break the ice. He´s warming up to us.  He and Elder Kozlowski talk a lot about sports - it’s only a matter of time until the baptism! Ricardo has never really liked organized  religion because he sees the problems and dishonesty in so many churches here. We taught him about the restoration and he likes the church. He came to church yesterday but it made me really sad.  The young men’s program here is terrible at integration. I was up playing piano and Elder K was with an investigator whose son has mental problems so he needed to help them out during sacrament meeting. We prepped with the young men beforehand to make friends and be welcoming but Ricardo sat alone during sacrament meeting. It was really sad. We have a meeting with the Pres. of the young men to talk about integration in the ward. It’s no surprise that the Young Women and Relief Society are great at integration though!

We have 2 investigators we are helping overcome smoking addictions, Clark and Marcondes. Marcondes has some mental problems too he struggles with. I don’t know if he has a mental capacity to really overcome this addiction, he smokes upwards of 40 cigarettes a day. But we are praying and teaching them with hope.

6 Month Anniversary:  This week (Thursday) marked my 6 months here in Brazil. As I was coming upon it, it felt like time was starting to go faster.  Now looking back, 6 months has felt like FOREVER and I have got a lot more time to go... I’m trying to stay energetic and positive but it’s always a struggle. We did celebrate that I had survived 6 months.  At the end of the day we bought Sundaes and French fries. It was good, practically American! In this transfer Elder K will make 1 year.  To celebrate that anniversary we are planning on going to a pizza buffet with some of our recent converts.

Interesting FUN Fact: Brazil doesn’t believe that the U.S. went to the moon. EVERYONE here believes it was a hoax/conspiracy. I think Dani and her family would get along well with some of the theories they have got down here! Elder Kozlowski and I always get defensive when it comes up. haha

What I really miss:  It’s good to hear you are getting an exercise schedule again! I miss REALLY working out so much. My body feels so weak and floppy, I hate it. I do push-ups, pull-ups, and other body weight exercises every single day but it isn’t the same. I know how important it is to stay healthy and its basically impossible here. If you can, get Dad working out too!!!!

A Really Cool Spiritual Experience:  Cinthia was baptized last week. Her daughter has been really uninterested in our messages. Every morning her mom wakes her up to do scripture study, she fights, she’s always on her phone, etc. We taught her some lessons but decided to just give her some time before teaching her again. On Saturday we fasted and to start my fast I prayed about all of our investigators and recent converts and asked for direction on who really needed the support of my fast specifically. I felt impressed to fast for her and Elder K did too. So we fasted with her in mind. On Sunday morning we showed up to church and her mom came running to us and told us how the day before Maria had out of the blue decided she wanted to be baptized! I know that the YW president and the Beehive girls had a lot to do with it, they had an activity this week and did a GREAT job with integration, making friends and making Maria feel welcome in the church, but I believe that our fast contributed! It was really cool to see a direct outcome like that to our fasting and prayers. I know that it doesn’t always work that way, and that we also can’t expect God to mess with the agency of others, but I have a strong belief that God was aware of our fast and the prayers of Cinthia, and many others. Maria was baptized, since it was a surprise I didn’t have my camera so no pictures.  (In the picture of Cinthia being baptized Maria is beside her.) 

This makes 5 baptisms in 5 weeks, really baptizing in the right way. Me and Elder K are really happy and know that we are being blessed for our obedience.

A really GROSS Experience:  During personal study on Saturday we sat down, started reading scriptures, and a cockroach ran across our floor. Elder K stomped on him and that was that. We went back to studying. A few minutes later, two more were spotted. We killed ém real quick. Another minute passed and 3 more came out from who knows where!!! It turned into an INVASION. Mom, in less than one hour, we killed over FIFTY cockroaches entering our house. We did some investigating…apparently someone sprayed an insecticide outside the building and ALL THE COCKRAOCHES WERE RUNNING INTO OUR APARTMENT- fat, juicy, gross cockroaches. We literally killed over fifty. Our floor got covered in cockroach blood, it smelled SO BAD. I have a picture of the pile of cockroach corpses at the end of the invasion. I HATE COCKROACHES. It was so gross, and to say the least, I didn’t feel the spirit during that hour of personal study!

Another Package?  Also an idea if you are wondering what things you could send me, I am really interested in learning more about church history, Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, the details of the early history of the church. I want to know more about how the church was created, before the church was created and really be familiar with our heritage. We have some resources as missionaries but I want things DETAILED and more specific to really learn. Also any cool or good books that help explain gospel doctrine. Elder K has a book called House of the Lord about the Salt Lake temple by Elder Talmage that I read. That was really cool. But if anyone has any cool books and you send another package, I would love some more reading material to really dive in to the history of the church, the life of Joseph Smith and the witnesses of the BOM, etc.

Spiritual thought bem rapido:  I am reading 3 Nephi. It’s really cool reading about the visit of Jesus Christ to the Nephites. In 3 Nephi 14:7-11 it talks about how God is always ready to answer our prayers and give us what we ask for. Jesus gave an example of how an earthly father, a being imperfect and influenced by the world, still loves his children to give them what the need, how much more God, who has a PERFECT love for us, is willing to give us blessings if we ask. But it is important to remember that everything is given in accordance with the will of the Lord. HE knows what we need, so it’s important to ask for the right things, otherwise if we are asking for the wrong things we aren’t going to receive anything and maybe we will feel disappointed or our testimony will be weakened. I was thinking of the example of parents with their kids in the grocery store. The kids ALWAYS (or at least I always did) ask for a candy bar or something like that at check out, and the parents ALWAYS say no, because they KNOW their child doesn’t need that. 

But when their child has a school project or something like that and asks for help and supplies, the parents are ready to help because they know the kid needs these things. I think it’s like that with God sometimes. We can’t always be praying to ask for the candy bar and then lose our testimony because we don’t get the candy bar. We will receive, when we ask for the right things. We will receive the things that we REALLY need. I need to learn this better!  

Love you mom!  

Your son, Elder Sork

Online Missionaries Help Our Work

Hey Mom, it’s good to hear from you and I am jealous that you guys are getting snow... what I would give for some cold weather!! In this letter I will talk about the things that happened this week and then answer your questions.

First off, about Circa.  She left us a note saying she doesn’t want to go to church and to not pass by anymore. She said she knows our message is true but that she isn’t ready to take the steps necessary to be baptized. That has been a real bummer, but we had an AMAZING experience with another lady that I will talk about.

We had an amazing experience with an investigator this week. She is a friend of a member in the ward.  As we were leaving this members house after lunch, she was just arriving. We gave her a quick invitation to church, nothing special, and then left. This was on Saturday. On Sunday I was sitting up on the stand playing piano and I saw her come in to sacrament meeting a little late, but she still came! I didn’t think too much of it, but it was still really cool.  Then on Monday, P-Day, we got a call from the member friend of this lady. (The ladies name is Cinthia, the member friend is named Martha.) Martha called and said that Cinthia was frantic to talk with us. Me and Elder Kozlowski were just thinking what in the world?! Tuesday, we went to the house of Martha and met with Cinthia. And, oh my gosh, it has been so cool to hear about her experiences. She spoke with us and said that she needed to be baptized, ASAP. This was before we had even taught her ANYTHING.

Apparently, when we saw her on Saturday after lunch, she had a strong impression that she had already met elder Kozlowski, like he was an old friend... then on Sunday when she entered the church, she told us that from the second she stepped in the building she felt like she had just walked into her house. Martha gave her a tour of all the classes and things but she already knew where everything was and what went on in each room. She had tons of questions after being at church.  On Sunday night she was investigating the church on mormon.org and got in contact with the sister missionaries in Salt Lake that preach the gospel online and they told her to download the gospel library app. After speaking with the missionaries she couldn’t fall asleep so she stayed up all night reading the Book of Mormon, Gospel Principles, and other books about the church and then chatting with the sister missionaries. So she basically already knows everything about the basic lessons we would teach investigators.

On Tuesday we taught her the Plan of Salvation (PoS), and told her that she very may well have known Elder Kozlowski before this life.  She also told us of how she feels the presence of her deceased father very strongly during times of difficulty. She has lots of experiences. So she was super excited about the PoS and is already planning her visit to the temple and sealing of her family.

I have never met someone so ready to be baptized and she told us even more experiences that I don’t feel I should share because they are so personal to her, but they have really strengthened my testimony too. I am a little disappointed it wasn’t me that she recognized, but I hope that throughout my mission I can find people that I KNOW have been waiting for ME.

Anyways, she was baptized on Sunday.  It was actually a funny thing.  There was a frog in the baptismal font. Our zone leaders forgot to clean it, but that didn’t stop her.  She was still baptized. This has been really awesome. Cinthia has a daughter with 12 years that we are planning to baptize in a week or two, she is very shy so we´ll see how it goes.

Hearing Cinthia’s experience of feeling the presence of her father, and also experiences Elder Kozlowski has recounted about feeling the presence of family members on the other side supporting him, has really made me jealous. I was wondering why I haven’t been given that gift, to recognize the support of my ancestors, why I haven’t received a strong witness like they have.  I have wondered why I haven’t felt Grandma G with me even though I have been praying to have her near. This week I was thinking a lot about her and writing down some memories of our times together. I got thinking about how supportive she always was of us kids. She was at EVERY concert, awards night, soccer game, every holiday, had one-on-one time with each of us on our grandma special nights, she would check up on our grades…she was SO SUPPORTIVE in everything we did and was always concerned about how we were doing. As I was thinking about these things, I didn’t feel a hand on my shoulder or a hug, but I had a little thought in my brain: “nothing has changed.” She is still the same Grandma, and maybe I don’t feel her with me but I KNOW that my grandma G is there. I don’t have all the details about the spirit world, but I know she is STILL supporting me and our family like she always has. I think that thought was some personal revelation. It was really cool too. Sometimes I wish I had spiritual gifts like those around me, but I gotta be okay with what I have got and improve upon them. 

Valentine’s Day was pretty great, me and Elder K accidentally matched our ties so we took a cute couple pic.

One really sad thing is that Gil, one of our recent converts, began questioning the history of the church and he started looking for answers online.  He found a bunch of anti-Mormon garbage, and lost his testimony. He told us that he will not be going to church anymore. He had such a strong testimony and great potential to grow in the gospel. It is SO important that people have a testimony of the Book of Mormon as their foundation.  This is what he was lacking, that strong foundation. He was too critical (didn’t have the proper perspective) and didn’t search for answers from divinely appointed sources.  It’s like you would tell us in seminary, you wouldn’t go to a basketball coach to help you learn how to cook.

This week we did a service project for a less active member picking weeds. In Brazil this practically means clearing bush in the Amazon jungle (haha). It was good! We are going back this week to finish up. 

Now, I will try to answer your questions - 

The lesson with the family that had the violin didn’t happen so I didn’t get to play. 

We want our investigators to go to church 2 Sundays before they are baptized so normally we baptize them the second Sunday they attend after church. Sometimes we do baptize them on Saturday so that they can receive the Holy Ghost the next day in sacrament meeting.

I would rather do musical numbers then speak in church. Playing the piano in sacrament meeting every week is helping me with my nerves about musical numbers (It also helps that everyone in Brazil is tone deaf so I don’t think they would even recognize any mistakes).

I didn’t meet with Elder Barrett, it isn’t every week.

I am getting really bad with my journaling. I usually write once a week now. I need to be better :(

I know I will have ups and downs. I am getting really comfortable with Elder K. The test is gonna be the next transfer I think, once we get separated and I have a new companion and maybe a new area too. We´ll see.

Thanks for the suggestions about the investigator/convert tracking list.  It could be something great but Brazilians kind of get freaked out with lots of commitments in front of them (haha) so I don’t know how effective it would be. I love them but the people here are really lazy, it’s pretty sad. It’s just hard to get them to complete commitments.  It is a constant struggle. But thank you for the suggestion, and as a missionary I understand the importance of process like this. At the least it is a good thing that I can keep with me to have personally with my Preach my Gospel.

Now I have a quick question for you because you are creative and can ask McKenna too:  We are planning an integration night with the ward and our recent converts in 2 weeks.  Next week can you send ideas of fun activities we could do that would get people involved??  Thanks!

I love you, Mom.  I don’t have time for a spiritual thought today, sorry (haha).

Love, Elder Sork

Funny? Is It Really?

Hey Mom,

Here’s what went on this week:

We had a baptism of a man named Joel. He´s 34 but he has some mental disabilities and his thought processes and understanding are that of someone who is 10 years old. We weren’t sure whether or not he really needed to be baptized, but prayed about it and felt like it was the right thing to do. He was really excited to go to church and be baptized. We showed up at his house on Sunday with a member to give him a ride to church but he wasn’t home.  The night before, we had drilled into his mind to STAY IN THE HOUSE until Sunday morning! So we were very sad going to church without our baptism. Then, in the middle of second hour of church, he showed up!!  He had walked all the way to church by himself (That is a LONG, LONG way.  He lives at the very end of our area).  We were so happy to baptize him. Teaching him was a really good experience.  We had to teach SUPER Simple so that he could understand and remember.  It was good for me. I have a picture of the baptism. (I promise people here are excited to be baptized. I don’t know why Brazilians look like they´re attending a funeral in pictures.  The only funeral we are attending in this picture is that of his sins.  This really is a happy occasion! For some reason they just NEVER smile for photos. But I promise he was very happy to be baptized, haha.)

I have run into a problem, Mom. My pants, are getting tight!  If we had bought the size down  we were considering, they wouldn’t be fitting anymore.  I am definitely gaining a caboose.  I am sure it is a combination of all the muscle I am building walking miles and miles a day and then there is all the food... I was doing a ´´leg day´´  in my workouts (squats and things) earlier in this area but not anymore.  I really am getting self-conscious and need to be watching what I eat. I don’t want to get fat!!  And I NEED my clothes to fit me!!!  I will keep you updated. I have made the decision that at lunch with members I will not be taking seconds (or thirds) and will keep doing other exercises to try and stay slim.

Something funny about this area - supposedly it is one of the most dangerous parts of Joao Pessoa, (As Elder Sork’s mom, I don’t find that so “funny”) but as of yet Elder K and I haven’t had any problems with our safety. I know we are protected here. The gangs of the city have some pretty interesting names... one is Al Kaida (not sure if that’s how you spell it) another is Syria, Iraq, Iran, and United States. I guess they heard about the wars going on with our country, and thought it would be cool to use the names, haha. So saying I’m from the United States takes on a double meaning here.  We have to be careful!

We found a family in our ward whose son is taking violin lessons. We have lunch with them this week.  I’m excited.  I’m gonna ask to see his violin - I hope it’s a full size and that maybe I can play it a little bit! I am really worried about all the muscle memory I have forgotten already. I miss playing so much.

Elder Kozlowski kinda raged this week, because after transfers and a long, serious, strong email from President that clearly spoke about the need for change in the mission culture with the ´´so vai´´ (ridiculous baptisms) nothing has changed.  Our new district leader still has the same mentality and our Zone Leaders didn’t change. So he’s always frustrated with that. It’s nice to be the junior companion right now because he is the one that has to deal with the heat on the numbers.  I am really worried for when the time comes for me to be the senior companion.  I am worried for MANY reasons but particularly how I will deal with leaders or maybe a companion that have the mindset of just getting people into the font.

Here is a thought for the week:

In Helaman 12, verse 2 it is talking a little bit about the pride cycle and the patterns of iniquity in the Nephite nation. In this verse Helaman uses the word ´´comfort´´ (in Portuguese, I think it’s the same in English but I’m not sure) When the Nephite people got comfortable, or lazy due to their prosperity, they forgot God’s hand in their lives and all they had achieved and began to boast it was in their own strength which hardened their hearts. Take away lesson:  We can’t get comfortable! We can enjoy our blessings, but we need to be very careful to always strive to strengthen our relationship with God.   Even when everything is going good, we still have to strive or work at that relationship! A good way to think of it is this:   If you aren’t going forward, you´re going backward. I need to remember this, when I have a good day.  I can’t get too comfy in my relationships with God but continue in gratitude and doing the things I need to as I seek strength from God.

Now to answer the questions you posed: 

1.             What things do you remember that Dad and I have tried to teach you – is there anything that you now find yourself thinking about and helping you make decisions while you are away from home?

Your phrase you always share ´´remember who you are, what you stand for and who is waiting for you to come home´´ is one that I was always appreciative of, but has gained more meaning to me as time goes on. It has always had literal meaning to me, as your son, but more important is the spiritually meaning in this phrase that more and more I am coming to understand. We are children of God.  As a missionary I represent his son Jesus Christ.  I know that one day I will get to return home to live with them again.  This phrase takes on even more meaning in influencing my actions here and will continue to influence me throughout my life.

2.            What is it in life that has brought you the most joy?  Does knowledge of the gospel make that “thing” more meaningful to you than maybe someone who doesn’t have the gospel?

The thing that has brought me the most joy is family.  Being away from you guys is showing me just how much I love you. You are everything to me, because of the gospel I have the knowledge that we will be together forever.  This truth brings me so much joy.  I love you all SO MUCH and miss you guys tons. It really makes me want forever to be together with my family. 

3.            Alma was out sharing the gospel because of the joy he felt when he learned of the atonement and what it could do for him.  Why are you out sharing the gospel? 

I am out to help gain the blessings of going through the temple.  There is so much peace there.  There is so much understanding there.  There is so much strength there.

4.            You have a great concern for the people that you baptize in that you want them to not just jump in the water, but understand what they are doing.  What most do you want them to understand before they are baptized.

I want them to understand that baptism is the BEGINNING of something, not the end.  I want them to truly understand the phrase ´´endure to the end´´ and continue preparing to make more covenants with God and receive the blessings he has for us after baptism. 

5.            As you teach your investigators have you had an experience where you have seen them taken out of their pain and misery into joy and peace like Alma was?

I have not seen a strong example of this that has really had an effect on me, but I am hoping for one as I continue to serve and teach.

Love you, Mom,

Elder Sork

Elder Sork